


it really felt like you and me were getting better

by SunshineExploder



Series: In The Heights One-Shots [2]
Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Reconciliation, Sonny needs hugs, Take it as you will, Talking Shit Out, Usnavi please why are you like this, set after the end of the play, the ending is kinda weird and metaphorical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:19:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9127462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunshineExploder/pseuds/SunshineExploder
Summary: "She was my Abuela, too!"--Or: Usnavi and Sonny finally talk shit out and Usnavi realizes his Mistakes.





	

The sun has set on the barrio, and even though the blackout goes on, Usnavi’s feeling better than he has in a while. Sure, he’s not going home. But he’s found his home, his real home, and it wasn’t on the island he thought it was. So there’s a smile on his face as he cleans up their little apartment, clearing away debris from the celebration of his staying. Everyone has gone home at this point. Sonny’s in the kitchen, oddly quiet, but Usnavi doesn’t think anything of it.

 

Once all the trash is collected in one of the smaller plastic bags from the bodega, he ties it up and goes to the kitchen to throw it in the big trashcan. When he crosses into the room, though, something’s not right. Sonny is sitting on the counter, head in his lap and shoulders trembling. He doesn’t make a single noise. Just sits there shaking.

 

Usnavi drops the bag and comes cautiously closer. “Hey, cuz,” he says quietly. “Are, uh-- are you okay?”

 

Sonny’s head flies up, eyes wide like he hadn’t realized his cousin was in the room. Usnavi can’t ignore the wet sheen on his cheeks or the redness in his eyes. Sonny, his perpetually grinning cousin, has been crying. Usnavi mirrors Sonny’s shocked look.

 

“I, I wasn’t, um…” Sonny’s voice cracks practically every other word. He scrubs at his eyes, trying to pull himself together. “I was just about to go to bed.”

 

He hops off the counter and makes like he’s about to leave the room, but Usnavi quickly blocks the doorway. “Nuh uh, _mijo_ , you’re not leaving. We’re talking about this. Why were you crying? Come to think of it, where the hell you been all night?” He realizes he hasn’t really seen Sonny. The boy hadn’t joined in the celebration. Pete had also been curiously absent.

 

Sonny looks away, unwilling to meet his cousin’s eyes. “Wasn’t crying. Wasn’t doing nothing. I’m going to bed, Navi, move.” When Usnavi doesn’t move, Sonny glares at him. “Navi, I’m not trying to be funny. Move.”

 

Usnavi shakes his head. “I’m not trying to be funny either. I don’t-- I don’t like seeing my baby cousin cry. Please, Son, talk to me. I’m trying here,” he pleads. He’s normally never so vulnerable with Sonny, they’re not the touchy-feely type of family. But he’s walked in on his little cousin, who’s more like a brother or son, breaking down in the kitchen. He can’t let this go.

 

“You really wanna know why I was crying?”

 

“ _Claro que_ _s_ _í_ , cuz, I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”

 

Finally, Sonny looks at him. There’s a weird mix of desperation, anger, disbelief, and betrayal in his eyes. Just looking at him feels like a punch in the gut. “You were gonna leave me.”

 

Usnavi has never claimed to be a clever man under pressure, and he sure as hell isn’t going to start now, not with his dumbfounded, “Wait, what?”

 

Sonny looks away again. “If Abuela hadn’t…” His voice catches in his throat where the word _died_ would be, but he presses on. “If she wasn’t gone, you would’ve left. Gone back to the Dominican Republic. Without me.”

 

“I...we were gonna give a third of the money to you, Sonny.” It sounds weak even to Usnavi.

 

“Like that makes it better? What did you expect me to do when you left, Navi? Take care of the bodega alone or crash with Pete or what?” Sonny’s voice gets louder and louder with every word, more bitterness seeping in. “I don’t have no one else but you and Abuela, not that either of you cared. What did you think I was gonna do?”

 

Usnavi has no words. For a man whose thoughts move rapid-fire at the best of times and like an out of control train at the worst, he’s totally blanking on what to say. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes the truth to what his cousin is saying. What _was_ he expecting Sonny to do? The kid is sixteen, Usnavi is his legal guardian. His own parents are gone, and no one knows what the hell happened to Sonny’s parents. What was he thinking?

 

He doesn’t get a chance to answer, since Sonny just keeps going on his rant. “You and Abuela were gonna fly to DR and leave me here by myself. You didn’t care about me. Not since before this whole blackout started.” Angry tears fall down his cheeks and he’s fighting to keep talking through the lump in his throat. “I didn’t stop needing you, but you stopped caring.”

 

“I didn’t realize,” Usnavi says in a small voice. He feels like a little kid getting chewed out by his parents again. “Sonny, please, I didn’t...I didn’t think about it like that.”

 

“I know you didn’t think about it like that,” Sonny spits out. “You didn’t think about the fact that you were leaving me alone. You didn’t think about the fact that this is all I’ve got. And you didn’t think about the fact that you’re not the only one who misses her.”

 

That one throws Usnavi for a loop, and all he can say once again is, “What?”

 

Sonny grits his teeth, balling his hands into fists so tight that his knuckles are turning white. “You’re not the only one who misses Abuela Claudia. You weren’t the only one she raised. You weren’t the only one she was important to, the only one who loved her. _She was my Abuela, too!_ ” He screams the last part and it’s so loud and raw that it takes the rest of the fire out of him. He slumps down to the floor, leans back against the cabinets, tilts his face up to look out the window. Maybe he’s searching for her in the stars. “She was my Abuela, too, Navi. You’re not the only one who lost her.”

 

 _Dios._ Usnavi stumbles, knees buckling and he sits down hard in front of Sonny. He looks at his cousin and sees a boy broken open and bleeding out everything inside him. The ugly words are out in the open. They hang between the cousins and Usnavi is trying his hardest not to collapse, too. He’s not the one who needs comfort right now. He’s got to be strong. That’s what Abuela Claudia would want him to do.

 

“You’re right,” he says lowly, gazing at his calloused hands. “She wasn’t just my Abuela.” Usnavi looks up at Sonny with tears building in his eyes. “I fucked up, Sonny.”

 

Usnavi doesn’t wait for Sonny’s reaction, just leans forward and gathers the boy into his arms in the strongest hold he can manage. He holds Sonny to his chest as tight as he can, hoping it’ll say everything he can’t get out. “I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry. I didn’t think about you, I forgot about you. You’re my baby cousin and I’m supposed to take care of you and I fucked up so bad. Please, _mijo_ , I’m so sorry.”

 

After a few beats of silence, Sonny’s arms come up to hesitantly wrap around Usnavi’s middle. When he’s not rejected, his hands tighten and he buries his face in his cousin’s chest. He lets go, sobbing and choking on his tears and ugly crying.

 

“You were gonna leave me.”

 

“Shh, I know, I know. Never again. I’ll never leave you.” Usnavi starts running a hand through Sonny’s unruly curls.

 

“You were gonna disappear like Mami and Papi did.”

 

“I’m never going to even try to leave you again. I’ll keep you so close you’ll wish I’d leave.”

 

Sonny’s arms tighten around Usnavi.

 

“You promise?"

 

"I promise."

* * *

 

  


Above the de la Vega cousins, above the barrio, above New York City itself, a single star shines most brilliantly in the sky. It twinkles past the streetlights and the other stars surrounding it. Later that night, a grown man and his young cousin look out their window and watch it shine brighter than anything else as they sit on a dingy kitchen floor and make a promise to never let go.

 

A little girl in Havana sleeps beneath the star, dreaming of a better life for her and her mother.

 

A boy in Puerto Rico tosses and turns beneath the star’s light, trapped in another nightmare of becoming just like his father.

 

A young woman in Washington Heights waves to the star, and a breeze floats in through the open window and ruffles her hair. It feels like the hand of a woman who had held her and loved her in life.

  
_Hablo una otra vez: paciencia y fe._

**Author's Note:**

> I considered leaving the ending out, but idk, I like the idea. This story doesn't need to exist in the slightest, the same concept's been done in this fandom, but. Y'know. As always, this is unedited. Also the title is shit and so is the summary sorry ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> EDIT 1/07/17: Title is from Don't Walk Away by Sick Puppies because I didn't like the other title.


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